Tag Archives: Spirit

Opening You Inside of Me

When we love another, part of what we’re after is unification, acceptance, and connection with the self. We want to feel our fullest essence, the core of us that is untouched and unfettered by life in a body; we want to feel that sacred self by way of another’s attention and adoration. We want to feel our soul, its longevity, its total, encompassing, deathless, and seductive permanence. We also want to feel the ageless soul and being of another, but in my belief system, what we really want is ourselves: whole, happy, deserving, trusting, radiant, and fulfilled, which is how we all feel when we are out of bodies and on the Other Side.

We truly do live forever. We never die. Oh, our sweet, hardworking bodies die, but our souls do not. We simply change shape. We merely change structure. So, when we love, we get to feel the “forever” of our own self by way of another person’s being; and, it’s glorious and enchanting.

Some of my "tangle" artwork. :)

Some of my “tangle” artwork. 🙂

There is simply no better feeling in the world than love. We LOVE love. We love how it feels inside of us. We love when we are appreciative, connected, dialed-in, and glowing with pleasure. We love our heart and soul connections with others. Sure, what we do with our bodies is important. Sex is delicious and fun. But, it’s what happens in our spirits while loving another or sexing another that truly entices us. We know that physical is only a part of the entire equation. And, I argue that the spiritual elements have to be there for the love to be truly healthy, beneficial, and complete.

I’ve written about this before, but when I love someone, whether carnal or not, it’s a crazy ride, man. My energy is nuclear. I love as vociferously as I live. I love so hard that it scares people. Not in a grasping, dependent, and unhealthy way, but in an energetic, all-encompassing, vigorous, and extremely intense way. I love deep, hard, and fast. I fall in love quickly and it stays with me. If I love you, get ready for some big emotion and big fun. Get ready to play in a river of feeling because my love is a totally physical and spiritual orgy of fast-moving, strong current. When I love you, you know it. There is no question because I’m erupting energy all over the room. If you form the question, the answer is always “yes”. I’m all in. Love for me is intensely physical and achingly spiritual all at the same time; it takes a big person to handle me.

More of my tangle art.

More of my tangle art.

So, on this idea, I’ve been back to writing poetry recently and wanted to float a few pieces your way. Oh, and I’m not sure if I ever told you guys, but I had a 60-page poetry book published in 1998 (back in the dark ages before I was this happy). 🙂 Anyway, I was a working poet for quite a number of years and was published alot. But, after 15 years, I gave it up, walked away, and literally stopped writing poetry. I was sick of poetry. Sick of myself and my psychology. Sick of the conversation and narcissism and depression. My poetry was largely a convenient therapist from whom I had to walk away, because I was not advancing, just wallowing. Anyway, that’s my poetry back-story.

Hope you like my new poetry. See if you can get the “theme” of all of these poems or the general chord of connection here.

The Day We Met

the moment opened up in front of us
all eyes and breath
no one else felt it
but we did

you did

later, in my dark room
sifting through the words
we spoke and how the
light
poured out of you

and lit me up

I knew everything was going to be
different

and it is

(Note: This poem was first published, in a slightly different form, on Jackie P’s awesome blog: To Breath is to Write.)

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And Then, He Touched Me

my mind spilled, spine curled, and hand tingled
for days
and days and days.
still, even now, it moves through me and
blossoms inside of me,
the warmest warm, the strongest tug
up and down my length
the light crossing in front
then rising inside
like the image of you
filling me up
and rocking the curve of my bones
open.

**********************

Him

Rising
inside of me,
him
my body
aching
holding
the sun
asking
him in
asking
again
the drag of him
through me
the pulse
of him
in
everything

**********************

The Stone of Love

pressing my hands against it
the cool rock pressing back
its slow breath
climbing up my arms
its ridges in my skin;
its language decoded
thinking about how you
first grabbed my wrist
one quick movement
that set the world
on end
opened the sun
inside of me
decoded my language
as I slide across the cool
old rock and lay open
to the sky
the stone now
pressing at my back
entering me there
then, you, swimming up and
laughing as you grab
my wrist (again) and pull me
in on top of you.

(Note: This poem was first published on Jackie P’s awesome blog: To Breath is to Write.)

Feel free to share your thoughts. Open yourselves here with me and get ready for the connection. I’m ready. ❤ I LOVE you, friends. 🙂

Guest Post: Yoga Saved Me from Body Hatred

This is a guest post by the darling Jen at Yoga-Moods.com. Jen and I have connected deeply on our mutual love of yoga and the body. On her highly informative, wonderful, and serene blog, she writes about the precious gift that is yoga and how it is helping her and others live richer, fuller lives. So, my BBB friends, let’s show Jen some love for so bravely exploring her transformation from body-hater to body-lover.

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Hello! I’m so honored that Liz invited me to write a post for Big Body Beautiful! I hope that my words resonate with you and perhaps help someone who is searching for a way to deep self-love.

For many years, I struggled with self-hate. I didn’t realize that’s what it was at the time. It was more a feeling of the world being against me. I see it clearly now, though. I didn’t love myself enough. I was painfully shy as a kid and I felt inferior to my peers. I remember the first day of kindergarten feeling so overwhelmed by everyone around me. I felt different from the rest of them.  While they laughed and chatted freely with each other, I shrank into the background, feeling as if I didn’t fit in. My red hair and freckles set me apart. I felt ugly and cursed my uniqueness. I was uncomfortable when called on in class. I surely couldn’t have anything valuable to contribute. Anxiety exuded from me and others felt it, too. This exacerbated the problem. Kids teased me, bullied me, and sometimes simply ignored me. I felt left out and diminished. I truly believed there was something wrong with me – and it started with my looks. Thankfully, I was blessed with real friends who accepted me and celebrated my individuality. But, that wasn’t enough to change my opinion of myself. I cringe to think how much easier things could have been had I discovered then what I know now: self-love is necessary for happiness!  Cultivating self-love is crucial in order to serve your purpose and live your dreams.

I remember as a second-grader sizing myself up in a full-length mirror.  My body is OK, I thought, but my face and hair? Terrible!  When I was 12, a family member asked me why my belly wasn’t flat like my friend’s after a day at the beach. I often heard this person bemoaning her own “thunder thighs,” saying I was lucky that I took after Dad. She often talked about how many of the women in her own family thought of themselves as ugly, though most of them were quite beautiful in reality. Still, the message was that my stomach was “too flabby” at age 12. I wish I could have ignored this comment, but it cut me to the core. For years, I focused so much on that belly wishing it would shrink. I starved myself. I berated myself. I did sit-ups and crunches like there was no tomorrow! My family then worried that I was getting “too thin.”

Despite having boyfriends who were clearly attracted to me, I still compared myself to models. I was unhappy with my face, my hair, my breasts, my butt…. One time, a boyfriend remarked how sexy my “potbelly” was, and instead of taking it as a compliment, I fell further into self-destruction. Strict diets, outrageous exercise routines, and constant self-criticism ruled my life.  It didn’t get me anywhere except unhealthy. Not to mention, I was thin – talk about body dysmorphic disorder. And, I was so focused on myself I couldn’t possibly serve others, which was always my life’s goal.

And then, something miraculous happened. I discovered yoga! It was, quite literally, as if a light shone down from the heavens! I felt as if I had found the key to life. Yoga has healed me in so many ways; I’d need to write an entire book to scratch the surface. But, the most important way yoga healed me was in allowing me to cultivate true self-love and acceptance. I got physically healthy in a gentle way, pushing myself to my limits but being kind to myself when I needed rest. I gained strength, which led to confidence. I had found a refuge – my yoga mat or my meditation cushion – where I could put everything else aside for a while and just be. All of this led to a profound self-love, which continues to grow and enhance my life today.

Jen-Yoga-Moods

Years of asana practice helped me tune in to my body’s capabilities, strengths, and needs. I discovered I could do things I never would’ve believed. When I mastered a new pose, it was an instant confidence boost. Yoga helped me finally come to peace with my body, and to actually develop that more toned stomach I always yearned for. It helped me begin to make healthier choices in my diet, my lifestyle, and with whom I surrounded myself. It helped me to accept that, as a woman, my body is constantly changing. My weight will fluctuate, I will experience break-outs, I may not always feel energized, and that’s all OK. Under it all, I am a beautiful soul, perfect and complete. When I focus on this, and my “connectedness” with others (which yoga also encourages), I am much more happy and productive. Every day I practice asana. Whether it’s a 90-minute class, a few sun salutations, or a quick break at work, it is a part of my life. If, for some reason, I can’t do my asana practice, though, I don’t worry about it. It’s not a chore; it’s a joy. I do it because I love it, and I do it for the continual benefits it brings.

Asana practice alone, however, I’m not sure would’ve done the trick. Dedicated meditation practice (also a major part of yoga, though we often think of yoga as physical) was also essential. Meditation took me to the depths of my soul and back. It was difficult, and I encountered things I’d have preferred to keep hidden. I emerged from meditation in tears on more than one occasion, but it was worth the effort. Over time, a deep, profound love developed inside of me. Love filled my entire being and overflowed into the world. Love sustains me every day and has enhanced my relationships. I confronted my deepest fears and allowed things to arise in my consciousness that I wasn’t fully aware were affecting my daily life. My self-limiting beliefs became very clear and I started working on changing them.

yoga_buddhaRegular meditation practice and checking in with myself, with love, keeps me steady, confident, and calm.  As much as possible, I wake up every day and meditate for 20 minutes.  I try to do the same when I come home from work. If I miss a day, I don’t fret, I just continue the following day. I take the meditation off the cushion, as well, engaging in mindful walks, eating, listening to music, creating art, making love….The list goes on. Just being present wherever I am. Meditation gives the gift of mindfulness that seeps into all areas of life. It trains us to bring ourselves into the present moment, the only moment during which we can act. This precludes worry and anxiety and allows us to truly enjoy living! Namaste, my friends!

She’s Wild, Deeply Wild

She’s wild, deeply wild. A feral and hot restlessness inside of her; she’s driven and strong. She can do things that others cannot. She feels near-constant yearning mixed with frustration. She gets things done and well. But, things move too slow for her. When she wants something, she wants it now. She wants it fast and lasting. She wants to feel it in every cell, every sinew, every pore and plane. She wants to carry experience inside of her and hold it forever.

field

What she really wants is pure freedom, peace, a life of contemplation, a life of feeling, but she doesn’t get to experience very much of this. She can’t have what she really wants because, well, it would ruin the current state of things. She would have to turn her back on the predictable, known present and head into the cool, silent, and mossy unknown of a different reality, a new way of being and that’s just too scary. But, the vista beyond the fence, calls to her, daily. And, like every other day, she looks away, throws herself into the tasks of which she’s demanded. She charges ahead with energy, fire, passion, and courage. She does her job and doesn’t complain. 

She does not utter her deepest dreams and desires. She just thinks about them over and over. Obsessively. Twisting the thoughts, wringing from each one, a small drop of nectar that she can taste and then feel spreading through her like sugar on oats. She holds her fantasies in and reveals only the barest hint of that dense world inside, the universe behind her large, dark eyes, her full lips showing a soft, half-smile. She is an utter mystery to most. But, don’t mistake her oft sanguine expression as an indicator of purity. She’s utterly wild, prone to fierce desires, deeply ingratiating, untamed, and aching desires. She is nuclear.

oats

Her fire, her panting restlessness is only calmed by three things: (A) Being alone with the earth. For example, standing on a remote mountain or a beach or at the edges of a lake or on some lonely, tree-lined path with no one else in sight, staring into the wide sky, regardless of the weather, (B) Movement, be it dancing, walking, hiking, or riding and (C) Looking into his eyes. When she sees him, the one to whom she does not belong, her skin ripples with excitement; she dances across the grass toward him and greets him with all of herself. His eyes have this crazy ability to immediately bring her to the center of herself, help her simply be there in that moment. And, the moments with him are sacred, soft as grass, and fleeting, but she doesn’t care. Seeing him walking toward her with some delectable gift in each hand, holds her here, keeps her steady, keeps her working. Will she ever be truly tamed? Possibly. But, if so, he’s the only one who can do it. And, he knows this. He knows.

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Years and years ago, I took a four-week fiction writing class. One of the exercises the teacher gave us was to write a biography of someone or something. At the time, I wrote a biography for a stretch of road. I know, it’s weird, right? But, it was so much fun to imagine the road as a sentient being with its own thoughts, emotions, and needs. So, I was sitting here thinking about the class and the exercise and thought that I’d try it again. Can you guess the protagonist of the above story?

Happiest with a Big Harley Between My Legs

The title of this post is not a tawdry euphemism. LOL! One of the many awesome things that my healthy body lets me do is ride a big, heavy, 103 cubic-inch, 1690 CC, 2012 Harley-Davidson Street Glide. For those of you who ride, you understand the allure and necessity of this freedom-seeking activity without me even having to explain it, but for those of you who have never ridden, well, you’re missing out, my peeps. Riding is a perfect tool for exploring one’s spirituality and for generating happiness, lasting happiness. Following is a photo of my bike, “Anja”, or as I also call her, “my savior”:

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She’s the reason I’m still on this planet doing ma thing. Seriously. I live for three things: riding Harleys, helping people (women, in particular) and loving animals. Fortunately, I get to live in a place where I ride 300+ days per year. Riding, for me and some one million women in this country like me, is absolute nirvana; it’s uplifting, freeing, exhilarating, and happiness-inducing. I’ve written about this quite a bit on my blog for Biker Babe Tours, but now I’m going to describe it for you, my body-loving peeps.

But, first, a little exploration of why I ride.

It might be obvious to you all by now, but I have an enormous ego and intellect. I am not bragging. These have not completely served me in this incarnation. While they have helped me survive a traumatic childhood and made me some good money (among other things), they have kept me from drilling down on my softer, intuitive, and I’ll just say it, my psychic side. They have not made me happy.

My intellect has made it very, very difficult to walk forward into my feminine faculties. The ego has kept me chained to the mind and the mind’s machinations. It has distracted me from my real work, the work that I believe I came back here to do (which is to explore and develop my psychic abilities); it has waved a large flag of academia, science, and reason at me, kept me looking back at the past or toward the future instead of staying present, and ego has taken me down paths thick with vines of a false self, the self of illusion. Check out the groundbreaking works by Echart Tolle for more on this affliction.

So, like lots of other people on this planet, the mind has kept me far away from anything that could diminish the ego’s stronghold. Meditation? “Naw, we don’t need it,” my ego says confidently. Tapping into the divine feminine? “No, that will just get you hurt”, my ego whispers severely. Showing any weakness? “Certainly not!” my ego shouts. Thus, I have gone on and on, using my mind, growing it and my ego bigger and bigger and bigger.

So, what does this have to do with riding a motorcycle? Everything. Riding a HOG is my meditation. It’s how I rest. It’s how I feel and stay present. Eyes open. Heart open. In the zone. Feeling the road and the world. Releasing myself. Riding is my means of escaping the ego and the preponderance of thought, intellectualism, analyzing, quantifying, weighing, and describing that I do everyday. Riding is my chance to step out of the mind and simply be in the moment, which is exactly what I most need.

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Because it would be dangerous, I cannot get on the bike and process my technical work. I cannot get on the bike and process my relationships. I cannot get on the bike and think about quantum physics. I have to be present. Riding demands that one is totally, utterly available and honest about being able to be present. You have to be aware, awake, and attentive when riding. You have to watch the cars around you; you have to assume that other drivers cannot see you and thus, ride as safely as possible. You have to be totally in the moment and ready for anything.

Riding my Harley is the quickest way for me to tap into my deeper self, my soul. It’s a chance to rest my active mind and feel my body, be in my body, be in my body in the moment. I ride at least three times per week and average about eight hours of saddle time each week. In a good week, on the weekends, I’m out there both days for at least four hours per day. On weekdays, I might get a couple more hours of riding spread across a couple of days. Heaven! Nothing else feeds me like riding does. Nothing. Not even meditation. And, when I’m riding, I’m the happiest, most centered, and non-egoistic woman you’ll ever meet. Come with me, body-lovers. Let’s ride.

I Want You

Okay, I’ll admit it: I want you. I want to hold you in my arms, really feel your contours with my hands, with my being. I want to rest beside you and breathe you in and touch you. I want to hear your heart beat, feel your presence emanating inside of me; I want to savor the quickening of my blood when you look at me. I want to stare at you longingly, watch you thinking, tease apart the nuances of your words, decode the mystery of you, and feel how you feel when you are feeling it. I want to know that you sense this, too, that I’m not making it up. It’s real.

I love how your mind feels in my body. Your mind is riveting, fascinating, and so rich. You are incredibly brilliant. In my cells, I want to know what you know, what moves you, what brings you happiness, and what you think. Your spirit, which is hugely evident in your full, gentle eyes, is buoyant, larger than the sun, and shimmering; every time I see you, your spirit crosses the room and enters me with the sweetest little sound and I breathe it, you, into every pore. I pull you into me with force, deeply and fully. Every time this happens, I swoon; my legs buckle. I am filling up with you. I am filling up with the ancientness of you, the forever of you.

When we press together, colors stream from my head, your head, our hands and feet. The colors flush and then contract and careen around the room like bands of dripping wax, coating everything in succulent light. Blue shivers of electricity course the length of me, opening, releasing, shuddering, and shifting. I feel like I’m splitting open, my contents spilling and circling out in waves, touching everything and penetrating the surface of each object. But, then, there are no objects, no separation between anything. There are no edges to me, there is no start or stop to us; we are fused, bound together by light and love. We are simply everything and nothing and everything.

Our electrons combine. You are talking to me. At first, in the heat and energy around us, the words are quiet but then they stand up crisply. I hear them. I hear your soul. You are using my words, reciting things that I have written, which have touched you and have changed you inside. You are whispering words against my neck as we move together. You know that there is no greater gift than to have you uttering my words as we press into each other. You are my mind, my body. I am yours. My soul wraps around you; you receive it. Your soul envelopes me; I receive it, as we turn and spin together and weave the colorful parts of each other open. The two of us exposed, exultant, and finally, home.

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I want you to know that the mind has no true place in this place. Despite having to use mind to formulate these sentences, this is from the soul of the body, the soul of the soul, and this is how it feels to invite love, really invite another into my being and let them have their way with me.

This is total vulnerability and tenderness, staggering, breathless love, and the deepest spiritual connection; it’s beyond my mind’s abilities to truly capture. But, you get this. I don’t have to fill the space with more than this, more words. It is enough for me to know that these feelings and sensations live inside of you as they do me. We feel this together.

Lizzy_in_Love

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When we love another, when we want another, we are really seeking a deep and lasting connection with our Source; we are seeking the boundless love of the universe that is available to us at any time; it’s the love that we remember from the Other Side. This is why loving another feels so good, because when we adore someone, we are feeling our own alignment with Source energy; we are tasting our own endless capacity for affection and tenderness and we know that this is our soul’s true purpose. The above is how it feels for me. What about you?

Merge with Me, Honey

merge

Now for some real fun. A few friends have asked me to write on this topic because they cannot believe the level and depth at which I feel things in my lovely body and when I tell them what happens for me in relationships sometimes, it takes their breath away (their words, not mine). So, I agreed to try and capture the essence of merging. Hence, this-here post.

One of the Novels that I’m Writing on “Merging”

As some of you know, I have been writing, like, five books for seven years (or is it seven books for five years? Hmmm…doesn’t matter). For convenience sake, let’s just say that I write a crap-load of material for all kinds of applications, audiences, and usages. One of the novels on which I have been working, for years, is on this topic of merging. The working title is Le Merge or to completely “Frenchify” it, Le Fondre. But, the title will likely change, because fondre is a transitive verb and I use it like a noun. Hmmm…maybe not. Maybe I’ll keep the title.

Anyway, this book describes in vivid detail how it feels to be in my body and merging energies with other things and people; yes, it is about how it feels inside of me, but explored by way of my two main characters who live in a fantastical futuristic society where there are ample laws about pair-bonding, unions, sexuality, behaviors, etc. Sound familiar? It should.

In this book’s culture, people are only allowed one merge per life so it’s a big one. It’s, in essence, one chance to get a relationship right. One’s “merge” presents him or herself through the course of one’s life and then you are supposed to get “married” and live out your days, happily. But, of course, there are loopholes and problems and issues because it’s humanoid people we are talking about here, and well, I needed a story to write.  ; )

The core theme of the book is that when we bond with others, there is so much more happening on a psychic and body level than what most of us are able to process or to even make conscious. This unseen, unexplored, and largely ignored level of what’s happening is where my experiences come in. And, what I experience when bonded with others is apparently really different than what most other people feel because when I tell people how it feels for me, they stare at me like I have a red horn in the center of my forehead. Or, a tail. Or, both.

What is Merging?

So, let’s get into some of it. Merge…mmm….what a great word. What an unassuming and sweet little word that on the surface seems so soft, so little and like it doesn’t have very much going on with it. But, I assure you that merge is a profound, life-changing, deeply sensing word. Merge is a word that contains a hefty strata of meaning and emotion below its small, still surface; it’s a universe inside of itself. And, well, doesn’t that just sound like a whole lotta people we know?

So, what do I mean by merge? Just what the word means: To unify with another. To take something into oneself and tease apart the meaning, to open it, lay it out flat for a quick look, or to bunch it into one’s hands and deeply inhale it, to pull it inside of you. To pull experience through yourself, to pull others through the self. To feel on the level of the cells, the molecules, the center of everything.

It’s incredibly delightful and so, so delicious. Merging is the single most sensual, engaging, and deep-feeling thing in which human beings can engage. But, we don’t even know that we do it. And, some people believe that it is wrong. I had a psychic once tell me that merging is totally inappropriate, but I disagree with her. Merging, between two consenting people is awesome and transformative. It is all kinds of right and so deeply pleasurable. Again, this happens by consent, not coercion. It’s an agreement made instantly between two or more people.

How Does Merging Feel?

So, how does it feel? When I turn my attention to someone or something, the whole freaking planet tilts a little and everything gapes open instantly. Colors get brighter. Everything sharpens and becomes more outlined, more “there”. Moments pass slower but at the same time, quicker. There, right there in the room, a gauzy light blossoms up and out, feelings bound into the space between us, and in a quick-snap, loosens our bodies. When I look into another person’s face, I am peering from them and they are peering back at me from me. It’s such an astonishing sensation. I can feel other people and things inside of my body, but I feel them as if I am inside of their body simultaneously. ARG! It’s so hard to capture this with such cloggy words, but that’s basically it. That’s merging. Okay, let me try to go deeper with it:

You and me. Standing only a couple of feet apart but space means nothing because you and I are one, one body, one entity, one staggeringly beautiful consciousness, one breath breathing the room together, breathing each other together. I feel you, sir, in my legs. Your presence, full and rich inside of me, pouring into my thighs, filling my trunk, inside the whole of me, the core of me, but also, beyond this body, our body. I can feel you looking in at me and out at the world. I can feel me looking in at you and out at the world. You are me. I am you. We are each.

Until I looked into your eyes, I knew not that I was missing anything, but there it is. You, my match. A piece that I was missing until now, a part of myself returned to me. And, when we touch each other, oh, God. The planet fades. We speed out of that moment and become light, bending into molecules and atoms and quarks and potential, becoming breath, undulating from the dense physical into the vastness of space, together and apart, co-mingled, merged, and still us, but at one with all of creation. Yep, that’s it. Merging.

It is RARE

Merging happens to me with only the right people, people who are a match with me energetically. It is immensely rare and precious. I have only had this happen a small number of times, but each time, it’s better than the last, it’s deeper than the last.  I most often merge with animals or nature. I can do this with planetary essences must easier than with people but when it happens with people, oh, it is so fun, so mystical, and wonderful.

What about you? Does this happen to you? What do you make of this phenom? Does anyone know what this is called or if there is an equivalent in the metaphysical realms?