Tag Archives: self-acceptance

Being on Fire, All of the Time

Admit it. From reading the title of this post, you think this is a diatribe about menopause, don’t you? I would. I mean, yeah, everyone who is in female body this time around goes through it. Most of my readers are female. And, many of you know that I’m knee-deep in the “change” and physically hot much of the time. But, no. This post is not about menopause. I’ll spare you that particular madness today. LOL!

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Artwork, thanks to unsplash, which gives us beauty, freely: https://unsplash.com/

 

No, this is a post about living wide open, living on fire. It’s about allowing our bodies to channel energy, consciousness, feeling, thought, and experience in a greater capacity; it’s about accepting that we are conduits for spirit and aligning ourselves with that primary thought. It’s about how to lay down the barricades, let experiences live inside of us, pull deeper meaning from the tissues of the body, grow from the exercises, and contribute a more authentic part of the self to all that is. In short, this post is imploring you (and me) to turn “on”. I want us to walk forward in life, gilded by the fire of self-awareness, knowing that we are never alone, never abandoned, never truly damaged by anything, not even death.

Ambitious, I know. Not sure I can do this topic total justice, but you know me: I’ve got lots of words and I’m going to use them. I’ll do my best and am counting on you to tell me if I fall short.

oneFirst rule of being on fire all of the time: Accept that everything you feel is good, right, makes sense, and has a place. Everything we feel is right. Are you feeling so angry that you could kill someone today? It’s okay. That feeling is right. You have every right to feel that way. Those are not “bad” feelings. They are just feelings. Feel your feelings. Know that your emotions are always there for a reason. You aren’t making this shit up. Some people suck. Some people are cruel to us. Some people, in the expression of their own harm, offer harm to us (that we then decide to pick up, let in, and work with). Your feelings about anything going on in your life are always right, true, good, and useful to you.

It’s what we do with the feelings that counts. It’s about digging out, from deep inside of us, what the feelings mean, and their origins. So, how do we accept that our feelings are always right? We think about them. We observe when we are having them. We identify them. For example, “Oh, this is anger. I’m angry. Why am I angry about this? What’s below this anger? What’s the message that I’m taking from this person’s behavior? What are my thoughts associated with this episode of anger?”

We can then seek to dialog with the feelings and trace them back down into the depths, into the core places, to the beginning. Why am I angry? Pause. Let the question float into your body. Feel it there. Find the spot where it lives in your body. Your epiphany will come. “Ah, I see now. This person’s behavior triggered some thoughts in me that go all the way back to childhood about feeling less than okay in my family. Ah. I see. This person’s behavior is a message that I maintain about not being good enough. Okay. I get it now. These feelings are valid and merely indicating a part of me that I’m animating in this moment. I want to dig into this more. I want relief from this and I want to take responsibility, so I’m going in…deeper…”

This practice of accepting feelings takes some people an entire incarnation (or more). Just this one step. But, if you can get to the place of largely accepting that your feelings are right and a result of your thoughts, your core beliefs, you are living on fire. You are living a more healthy life. It’s a simple-sounding thing to do. But, it takes real work. It takes astuteness. It takes being awake and being present. It takes a willingness to be responsible. Your feelings and thoughts are your responsibility. You created them. If you can also accept your emotions, you are ahead of the game. Now, go forth and own how you feel, invite your feelings in, hold them, understand them, ask questions of them, get to the source of why you react the way that you do, know that your emotions will shift when you are ready, and thank your feelings for telling you about the thing that you wanted to explore. If you do this one thing, you’ll see your life open up in miraculous ways.

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Second rule of being on fire all of the time: Accept that there is more going on in your life than what you can physically see. The physical manifestations of energy, what we physically see in the world, are varied, rich, and infinite, but they are only half of the picture. There are truly countless things happening below the level of our perceptions, in what I call the soul-level consciousness, that directly impact how we move through and create this world.

I love the Pierre Teilhard de Chardin quote that says: “We are not physical beings having a spiritual experience; we are spiritual beings having a physical experience.” Yes. Like it or not. Believe it or not. We are spirit in physical form. We come back here to earth for a core reason that is often only known to us in our souls. Some people can get right in there and find out what that core reason for their being is and then move on it. While, others struggle to understand it or grasp it and may never know. But, it changes nothing. What we see is not all there is, regardless of what “ology” or “ism” or “non-belief” you might entertain in this lifetime.

How can you sense this? Close your eyes. Call in one of your spirit guides (whether you believe in them or not). Ask your guide to give you a sensation in your hand or leg. Wait for it. If you train yourself, you will be able to feel them show up. You will feel something. Still not convinced? Walk into your room angry and see how your dog or cat reacts to you. Watch the energy emanating from your physical body in the reactions of others. THIS IS WHAT’S REAL. You are sensing the invisible realm that is at the core of all life, the spirit, the Source of all that is, the impetus for all things, and it is each of us. We are extensions of Source energy in physical bodies.

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Robert Lanza, M.D.

Need more? You can read this life-changing book: Biocentrism: How Life and Consciousness are the Keys to Understanding the Universe by the esteemed and amazing, Robert Lanza, M.D. (AKA: God in the flesh). I guarantee that this one book will change your life forever. You could read 500 other books and never arrive at the shores of this particular truth so concretely and so satisfyingly. Yeah, the book is dense and quantum-physics-central, but don’t let the math and density scare you. If I can get it, you can, too.

This book explains mankind’s “universe” in a mere 207 pages. You will never, ever be the same. You will never look at your feelings, thoughts, or behaviors in the same way. You will be freed from your past, freed from your limited focus, freed from your narrow ideas about what it means to be alive. You will finally understand that true life is what’s going on in the invisible realms and it includes the physical stuff, but the physical is just a result of the invisible, the consciousness called you. Physical manifestations: bodies, cars, books, trees, mountains, etc. are all coalesced by your consciousness, my consciousness, not the other way around. We create matter. Plain and simple. We do. These things do not exist at all without our consciousness directing them, shaping them, molding the molecules. And, humanity is getting very close to proving this.

threeThird rule of being on fire all of the time: Accept that your body is your fastest and biggest ally in growing your consciousness. You cannot get what you came here to do done without your physical body. You cannot live without your body. Your lovely body is how your spirit advances. It’s how you get what you came to manifest manifested. Your body is vital to your growth as a consciousness, a soul; it’s necessary, right, and good. Your body is the quickest messenger and “manifester” of your thought and feelings. Your body is your first and closest barometer for the direction of your thoughts. Plain and simple. If you’re sick, that means you are resisting something. What? Find out.

If you can get to the point where you can accept that your body, right or wrong, sick or well, fat or thin, is your chance to expand as a soul, you’ll be living on fire; you’ll be living a more authentic experience. The fact is, our bodies are giving us lessons that we chose to work on before we even got here. Don’t blame your body for the lessons that you chose to come in and work on; it’s not your body’s fault that you are unwell. Your body made an agreement to work with you and you need it, so love it. Your body (like everything you experience) follows your thoughts, every time, without exception. The more compassion and love you can show your body, the faster you will expand, the quicker you will heal, the faster you will get your lessons done, and the richer your experiences will be.

So. Let’s make a vow to live on fire all of the time. Let’s make a decision today to let life pull through us and accept the permutations of experience that we draw to ourselves for the purpose of expanding. Let’s know, at our core, that what we feel is right, that we can act from feelings without consciousness or we can act from feelings with great precision and reflection. Both work, but one brings us greater gifts. We can decide to accept our feelings, accept the unseen help and support that is all around us, and accept that our bodies are a very vital part of this journey. And, finally, we can use the fire that we generate to eliminate what no longer serves mankind: self-recrimination, fear, hatred, judgement, lack of responsibility, and so on.

I don’t know about you, but I’m burning. My office is now filling up with the sweetest smoke. 🙂

In a Famine, My A$$ Could Feed Me for Weeks

Make no mistake. My arse has a plethora of healing powers. Ask anyone who knows me. It’s a magic a$$. It’s an epic shelf of protection, the very source of my earthly powers. Ha!! I joke, but it’s literally a fact that due to my “largess” in the hindquarters region, I would outlive lots of people in a famine. I might even outlive the famine. Fat is a good thing. It nourishes, protects, heals, heats, and feeds. It’s necessary to life. We all have it.lizzys_tush

People often talk about the unhealthiness of being fat, but rarely do you see reports of the good that being a chunky-monkey can do for one in this world of ours. Well, I’m here to set the record straight (or, curvy as the case so clearly is for so many of us). Following are three pluses of being…well, plus.

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Fat is actually healthy and being overweight leads to longer life for lots and lots of people. Being overweight is even cited as a boon for fertility, better skin, calmer dispositions, stronger bones, and sounder minds. Despite rampant reports that being fat equals automatic heart disease, high blood pressure, and diabetes, it’s simply not true for lots of people. Studies are coming out all of the time that disprove the “Fat is Always Bad” prejudice.

Unfortunately, what we have in this country is a media monster. This monster spreads misinformation so pervasively and so routinely that few people ever take the time to question, let alone challenge the assertions being made by these misinformed souls. One of the falsities that the media perpetuates is that being fat is universally bad or will lead to bad things down the road. Not true.

We all know that life is much more complex than soundbites and selling news would have us believe, isn’t it? There are way more nuances across the wide spectrum called human health than these media monsters portray. I encourage you all to dig a little deeper. Like anything in life, there are extremes at either end of a particular spectrum. And, unfortunately, these extremes are the most cited as, Du-Du-Dum! Evidence by the media monster.

But, most of us are in the middle somewhere and we know that “the middle” does not sell newspapers, television shows, or magazines. Yes, some people who are fat suffer from the results of that bodily state, but fat does not automatically equal unhealthy and sad, nor does thin automatically equal healthy and happy.

It takes all kinds of shapes, sizes, and experiences to be human and we all have a relevance to the human collective. Bodies are merely vehicles for the exploration of spirit. Your body is the way it is for a reason. If your body didn’t need to be fat or thin, it wouldn’t be. So. There. You’re free. Go forth in your new-found freedom, forget the size of your body, move into soul, find ways to be healthier every day, and be the bad-ass human you came here to be. We’re counting on you.

twoI’ve talked about this before in other posts, but being plus size is an invisibility cloak.  You can get away with alot of shi*t as a fat person. I test this all of the time and it always makes me laugh. As big as I am, I can get in and out of places without ever being seen. It’s the coolest phenomena. I literally walk right past people who, because of what I can only guess are their own prejudices and general insecurity about their body size, do not see me. And, this, my friends, comes in really, really handy. For example, when wanting to merely run into a store and grab something quick without a long, protracted discussion or “connection” with someone, being fat is awesome. It’s freedom. People don’t look at me. And, you know what, that’s okay. I actually like stealth mode.

No fighting to be seen. No more getting other people to validate me or even acknowledge my existence. I get to practice being enough for myself, break the dependency between myself and others, and push deeper into my own psyche, my own healing. It’s liberating.

So. If you’re fat, try to have some fun with it. Know that you are broadcasting an energy beam around the issue and if you look for disapproval in the world, you will find it. If you instead look for ways to validate yourself every day, eventually you will have self-esteem and you will manifest approval from the world in lots of ways. If you can, try to laugh as much as possible and know that other people do not matter one little eensy bit. It’s YOUR opinion that counts. Be stealth. And, giggle. Alot.

threeIf we are totally, totally honest with ourselves and we dig past the societal biases that we’ve maybe absorbed about fat, I bet more than a few of us would be very surprised to realize that we actually like a little cushioning versus bones or rock-hard muscle. Fat is very, very comforting. It’s silly; it jiggles and wiggles. It’s fun to grab and poke and handle. Fat is pleasing to us psychologically because it’s about nurturing; it’s about the mama, being held, being warm, and gently soothed. Fat is comfortable, encircling, engulfing, and just a delightful, never-ending softness. Fat definitely broadcasts a message of fertility, abundance, and pleasure.

This fat phobia of ours is a very recent cultural phenom. Up until the 1920s when the country was becoming enthralled with industry, being a bit fat was okay. Farm people were fatter. They needed to be to work the fields. Women were expected to be fat because they made babies. But, with the choke-hold of the industrial revolution, came the idolization of the “machine”, the “hard”, the “thin”, and along with it swept in the idolization of a thinner body type.

The thing is, world-wide, until modern times, fat has always been viewed as wealth, abundance, comfort, and something to celebrate. This fat phobia of ours is a modern construct. It’s time to be honest. If you don’t like fat, ask yourself why. Do a little digging around in your psyche. But, ask yourself if your ideas about body structure are truly your own or if you have absorbed the ideas from other people. Touch your fat and see what comes up for you. Journal about it. Ask and ask and ask. I bet you’ll be surprised by the journey. Oh, and READ THIS BOOK that I blogged about early on in the life of BBB. You gotta read this book; it will change your ideas about Fat. Guaranteed.

There are many more very real, life-affirming benefits of being fat, but ultimately, this blog is not advocating that people become fat. I’m advocating for the journey toward self-esteem, regardless of how you look or what your bodily conditions are. I’m advocating for self-acceptance because I want us, as a species, to accept others, expand our consciousness, and become healthy. I want us all to be well-fed, happy, and taking responsibility. I want us to own our power, be a force of good on this earth, and love. I want us to love. Even our fat.

 

Our Body is Our One True Home

Following is a quote from a remarkable woman, Anita Avalos, who I recently had the distinct pleasure of talking with on the phone and getting to know a bit. She says: “Our body is our one true home, why not love where you live?”

Um, yeah. That just about sums it all up, now doesn’t it? I think I’ll get this tattooed on me somewhere because it really is the core of what I encourage others to do by way of this blog: Love what you got and it will change. But, this post is about Anita and YOU and how you might play together to find a deeper, richer process and healing around the body.

Body-Goddess, Anita Avalos

Body-Goddess, Anita Avalos

Ms. Avalos is a Holistic Health, Eating Psychology, and Body-Food Relationship Coach who contacted me a couple of months ago to discuss her work and how much she likes my blog. We had an incredible conversation. I immediately felt like I was talking with one of my long-term friends. She and I were instantly comfortable together. Anita exudes compassion, understanding, and acceptance. She cares about other people and this caring forms the core of her offerings. It was immediately clear to me that Anita does not want you or I to change. She wants to help us love. And, by helping people get clear, showing them how to work with what they have, and providing them with tools to support their journey, she does just that.

Anita’s entire aim is to help people “Learn a diet-free approach to creating the body they love and a life that rocks.” What does this mean? This means, achieving body acceptance by methods other than obsessive dieting, working out, or otherwise dominating or belittling the body. To me, it means: finding ways to love and accept the body first and then noticing that your behaviors then align with that love and acceptance. For example, if you feel good about your body, you naturally want to move it more. If you love who you are becoming, you naturally gravitate toward healthier habits and relationships. It’s about practicing and working at core stuff, the stuff that is largely ignored by our appearance-obsessed culture. By the way, these are my words, not necessarily Anita’s, but I think she would agree with me based on everything we learned about each other. 🙂

This work that Anita does is deeply emotional, personal, and transformative. Through live workshops, seminars, and personal one-to-one sessions, she’s helping people understand their relationship with the body and food. She helps people safely explore their body shame and where it comes from so they can move past it. She helps people connect with who they really are on an emotional, psychological, and behavioral level and then gives them access to tools and new behaviors that help them learn what works for them and what detracts from their highest good. This work is life-changing and life-giving. It’s a different journey for every person and each exploration is revealing, captivating, and astonishingly beautiful.

Anita’s web site does a much better job of letting you experience what her work is all about, so please be sure to click over and spend some time exploring there. And, if you seek out Anita’s help and feel inclined to guest post here about your experience, that would thrill me to no end.

Something that I’ve said from the beginning and is my core philosophy is that the body and its shape or level of fitness is a direct by-product of one’s alignment and acceptance. If one has little or no self-acceptance, less than desirable health or fitness can result. Our bodies simply cannot achieve lasting and optimal health without addressing our thoughts, emotions, beliefs, and behaviors, combined.

I think the work that Anita is doing is hugely healing and beneficial for all of us (whether you seek her direct help or not). Anita gets it. She gets and gives what the world so deeply needs. Thank you for the tremendously healing and helpful work you do, Anita. 🙂 You are so right. Our body is our one true home. Let’s love it.

Drinking from a Waterfall

Many, many people have accused me of being, well, intense. Ha! Ya think?! Yes, people. I’m intense. I’m big in body, mind, and soul. There is no missing me when I enter a room or open my mouth. No missing me. In my youth, I spent countless hours trying to be quiet, dainty, thoughtful, reserved, patient, demure, small, and feminine, but you know what? I’m really none of these things. Oh, like all people, I have these elements in my personality and at times, they can be seen, but at my core, I’m not tidy; I’m messy and energetic. I’m big, loud, funny, raucous, active, aggressive, and very yang. A part of me still wishes I was softer and quieter. I mean, I’m certainly soft in the right circumstances, in the right places (ha, ha!), and at at the right times, but I’m a nuclear power plant most of the time. I think I need to just own this sh*t.

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I once reviewed a book for a friend of mine who was into a really interesting spiritual practice of “no mind” or in laymen’s terms, just being in the present moment with no ego, no plans, less thinking and doing, and simply being. I read my friend’s book and wrote in my review of it that reading the book was like drinking from a waterfall because of the bigness of the book, the expansiveness of the writings and his practice. It is, frankly, the best review of a book I have ever given, because I nailed it. I totally dialed it in and “got” him and his work on a cellular level. It’s so fun when that happens.

This morning, it got me to thinking. Anything that we push into the world by way of expression (even if it’s about other people) is describing us, our psychology, our current self; it’s all about us, not the other person. It’s like when dream analyzers say that the dream is always about the dreamer no matter the subject matter of the dream. No element in the dream is actually about other people; it’s all about the person doing the dreaming. Yes.

So, I’ve decided to take my delicious metaphor back, because it also perfectly describes me and the energy, focus, and bigness of this life of mine. My new task? To go deeper in my psychology and eliminate the desire to be other than I am or to change myself because of other people’s behaviors. I will work harder to own my complete self, the self that is loud and sometimes quiet, messy and sometimes tidy, masculine and sometimes feminine. I will remind myself that who I am is ever-changing, ever-active, and never inert. I can be and am all of these things and if other people don’t get me, oh-freaking-well. I am enough. I will drink from the waterfall of the self over and over until satiated. Then, when I’m good and whole, I will offer the purest compassion, understanding, and acceptance to others. I will then be drinking from a sunbeam. 🙂

Worship at the Altar of the Body

If I were running things, this is what I’d like to see: You, grateful, breathlessly full of love for your wonderful, hard-working body. I’d want you to lay flowers at an altar to the self daily and hold the energy of self love, body love for the entirety of your lives. I want a world full of people who do not disdain their creations. Yes, we absolutely do create our bodies down to the very molecules (with our thoughts and beliefs).

I want a world full of people who LOVE their journey here, who love the lessons that they have chosen, who love their bodies with such vigor that they feel holy, they act holy, they ARE holy. I want you to feel a love pulsing through you that only comes from deep recognition of your own grandeur, your light, your importance to all that is. I want you to be giddy upon awakening, happy, excited, and joyously thinking about all of the things that your body will do for you during the day. This is what I want.

Now, that is also what I imagine God/Goddess saying to us. In my belief system, we have a source energy that holds an image of us as perfect, no matter what we manifest, no matter what the construct. A source energy so loving that it gives us all of the tools that we need to be successful here, gives us free will, gives us perfect bodies, and then in total freedom, releases us to create and shape a life of our own choosing, but a Source that continually loves us inside and out and never waivers from that ideal no matter what choices we make. This is God/Goddess to me.

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If I started a religion these would be the only “laws”: Love yourself in body, mind, and spirit and take ownership of your energy, thoughts, and emotions. That’s it. Can you imagine a world where people were taught in the light, not in the darkness? Can you imagine a world of people who love and worship their bodies for the miracles that they are? I can. How might it look?

Imagine this: A baby girl is lovingly sung to in her father’s arms. He knows that it is his primary job, for the first three years of this child’s life, to teach her that her body is perfect. Her soul is perfect. Her mind is perfect. He takes this job very seriously. He knows that it’s up to him to help her form the foundation to a healthy life, to “program” her body with abundance, love, acceptance, honor, and trust. He knows that she will base all other life experiences from this early foundation and if there are cracks in the foundation, it is his failing and she, along with the human community, will suffer.

The girl grows with no separation between her soul and her physical manifestation. She is solid. She is centered. She is whole. She loves her own mind, feelings, and body. She loves how her body serves her. She loves to think and to play and to feel. It never enters her mind to think of herself or other people as anything less than they are. She accepts other people because she was taught, rightly, to accept herself first. She watches people having emotions, making decisions, living their lives, and she grants them the same freedom that was granted to her from the beginning. She acts like a creator. She is a creator.

In this state of oneness, there is no need to act out, steal, lie, take advantage of other people, or fight with others, because she knows that she is not a victim of any circumstance. She has enough. She has herself. She has the knowledge that if she wants something, she’s but to program the universe to manifest what she wants. Not by taking something away from others, but by being aligned with her own desires and understanding the laws of this physical time/space. She knows that thoughts are things. Thoughts become physical objects. Thoughts always come true in one form or another. All she has to do is think about what she wants and then align with the desire, the feeling of that thing, and it will manifest. She trusts this process. She trusts her body. She trusts the universe.

This is possible. I will never waiver in my belief that mankind will someday get to this place, will prove the naysayers wrong, will realize our divinity and power, the holiness that is the human body and will move onto higher and higher levels of advancement and spirituality. Call me “pie-in-the-sky” or a silly dreamer, but I know mankind is good at its core. We will figure this out. Until then, I’ll be here, reminding you all to lovingly fight for body acceptance until you learn to love it, all of it. Toward that end, I have a GREAT IDEA!

Create an alter to your body

For many years, I’ve kept some kind of altar in my home. Sometimes, the altar was for a lost pet or a sweet place at which I could sit and meditate (not very well, mind you, because meditation doesn’t really work well for me). Sometimes, the altar was a place where I gathered various photos, objects, and rocks that I love in order to do nothing else but look at them. Sometimes, my altar is outside in my yard or a sacred spot that I hike to and sit in for a while, like the Amitabha Stupa here in Sedona.

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My current, simple altar.

At any rate, an altar, as you smart body-lovers know is a highly personal place that can help us focus or dream or simply be. It can also be a very public structure that lots of people visit to pray or meditate. Either way, it occurred to me that since we humans are programmed to worship things and erect monuments (big and small) to things that we admire or exalt, why not make an altar to our own bodies?

Making an altar to your body, especially if you have “issues” with your physical form, is a great way to get more comfortable with it, to focus on the positives, and turn your mind toward that which works instead of concentrating so heartily on stuff that displeases you.

Making a personal altar is pretty easy. Here are some tips:

  • Pick a spot that you revere or feel safe in and make it a spot that’s easy to visit; the key here is repetition. The more you view this wonderful altar to your body, the better it works for you. Got a spot in mind? Good!
  • If your altar is indoors and it feels right to do, pepper your altar with photos of yourself from when you were happy, feeling good, laughing, goofing off, or just feeling really content. Try to pick photos of you that you like but that won’t make you feel bad for no longer “being that thin” or “looking that good”. The idea is to get used to looking at your body as it is now and appreciating aspects of it that please you. If all you can muster is a weak “Well, I like my wrists,” good! Use it. Take a photo of your wonderful wrists and pop it into your sacred space. The more you do this and concentrate on at least one aspect of your body that you like, the better.
  • Try putting colored stones, figurines, or other small art objects in your altar space. Bring in objects that you find pleasing and which remind you of health, vigor, and well-being. I sometimes prop up various Tarot cards that remind me of things on which I hope to concentrate or am currently working. I also place stones from the yard, crystals, images of Archangels and I almost always have a small Buddha statue there.
  • Write a loving letter to your body, praising him or her, and remarking on all the ways that your body helps you be here. Cite every pleasing aspect you can summon, read the letter out loud to your body, then place the sacred writing in your altar area to be infused with the energy from your stones and art objects. Read the letter out loud to your body once per day. This totally elevates your mood and gets loving thoughts and energy into your aura and subconscious.

What about you? Do you have an altar? Do think you’d like to make an altar to your body? What will your altar contain? Please share your thoughts on this and let me know if you have any more tips for readers to try. So, let’s do this! Let’s make an altar to the body and worship at it. Love you guys. All of you. 🙂

 

OMG, She Said What?!

Want to giggle? Want to snicker? Want to feel some serious self-love and joy flooding through your lovely body? Of course you do! So, listen up, my peeps.

Lizzy_Casey

Your friend, Big Lizzy, maven of all things body-love and self-esteem is being interviewed this Saturday, December 14th by the remarkable and transcendent, Claudia Moss, on her Live radio program.

Tune in to Claudia Moss Live for an energetic, fun, and riveting discussion of the body, how to develop greater appreciation for your physical expression called the body, and some background on me and my philosophy. Come on, you know you want to! 🙂

  • When: Saturday December 14th, 8 am (Pacific-time), 11 am, (Eastern-time)
  • What you do: Call 724-444-7444, and use the ID #125101 to enter the Virtual Studio.

Note: If you have some trouble getting in, keep trying. Sometimes the lines get jammed with users. Or, you can visit the show later and listen to the podcast.

More information is available at the Claudia Moss Live show on TalkShoe. See you there!

 

A$$ Fat and Other Splendors

Ahhhh…the joys of ass-fat. In this post, I take a tongue-in-cheek (yeah, I said it) look at a recent craze sweeping our modern culture and offer an antidote to it. Disclaimer: In case you missed it. This is not a serious post. This is a silly, ranting, and slightly crazed post. I am NOT advocating plastic surgery. Please do not sue me for expressing my opinions. Please do not think, for a living second, that I am in any way saying that I agree with anyone at any time. Ever. There, that should cover me.

butt

In days of yore, women did everything they could to avoid having fat a$$es. I mean, they did, like, seriously damaging (and not-so-damaging) stuff to control the size of their trunks: for example, lipo, taking the stairs two-at-a-time, calf-raises, running–{{{shudder!}}} (I very much dislike running)–seated butt crunches, regular crunches, and so on. Remember those days? Gawd, I do. And, am I ever glad those days are over!

Because now, my friends! NOW we apparently want our butts to look like J-Lo‘s or Nicki Minaj‘s, Coco‘s or some Kardashian or other. Yes, we want big butts and we cannot lie. We now strive for round, full, fleshy, and abundant tushies that hang out there like a landing strip and proclaim to the world that we (A.) Actually eat (B.) Our men like it. And, (C.) We are genetically, “buttocks-ically gifted”, every single one of us.

If you’re not buttocks-ically gifted, not to worry! You can buy a butt and have it plopped in there in no time. You’ll emerge with a round keister of such voluminousness that others will stop, stare, and point. They will secretly covet your butt. They will wonder why they never noticed it before. They will ask you if you’ve been working out or dieting or taking the stairs. Ha!

Yes, you can buy an a$$ and look like you spend hours in the gym without actually doing so. Butt augmentation is one of the latest plastic surgery crazes currently sweeping the world. Apparently, from a quick bit of Internet research, the Brazilians are best at it (big surprise there) with something called the Brazilian Butt Lift. Google. I don’t have the stomach (ha!) for providing links here. Tons of people are going under the knife to look like, well, plastic. Hurrah!!

Hmmm…well, I, for one, have been waiting for this day to arrive for a very long time. Not just because I have a big bedonk and I know how to use it. Hahah! No, I’m happy that this day has come because I now possess what women all over the world are paying to get.

In fact, my arse is so perfect that I wrote a verse about it. Sing it with me:

I have a shelf. It sits up high. It has its own zip code. It does not lie. My butt is round, it’s full, and happy. My butt is so PERFECT for slapping.

Buwhahahahaa! Yes, I have a$$-fat for days. And, it’s now being celebrated. Thank you, Jesus. It’s about damn time. Whoop!

Lady_by_Lizzy

The following passages will show you, my friends, that I can be and often am judgmental. Ready?

<Now, imagine Liz pulling out her soapbox and standing upon it.>

As long as I shall live, I’ll never understand why people go under the knife. I just do not understand the psychology of how it comes to that or why it does.

I get that people are unhappy and often blame their bodies for making them unhappy. They spend countless hours suffering over some perceived flaw. They obsess and quantify and lament all the ways that they are wrong or ugly or less-than. They relentlessly exercise. They hurl a wide variety of soul-sucking expletives at their hard-working, under-appreciated physiques. I get it. Hell, I used to do it; but, eventually, doesn’t that get exhausting? Don’t you just get tired of carrying all that stuff? I mean, aren’t you sick-to-death of your own opinions and needless suffering and bitching, like, LONG before you go under the knife? Sigh.

I ask you this: isn’t it far easier to find a way to just accept what you’ve got, be as healthy as you can, and sit on the couch with your rosy cheeks (ha, ha!) and cellulite? We all have it! All of our asses sag. All of us have wrinkles and moles and dry skin, and “waist-boobs”. Not one of us is immune. We age, people. We get fat. We sag and crease and droop and poop. Everybody poops!

The kicker? We are in our 20s for exactly 10 years and then guess what? It all starts going to hell. But, it’s normal. It’s healthy. It’s RIGHT! (And, most 20-year-olds have their heads up they tiny a$$es anyway. Look to Miley Cyrus for a perfect example of said ass-hattery. Oh, okay she just turned 21, but yeah, she has her head way up “you know where”.)

Sagging skin is beautiful because you took the time, the years, and the life lessons to get it that way. Hello!

GD-it! it’s time for us to put plastic surgeons out of business, don’t you think? It’s time for us to love our lot in life, accept ourselves and move into higher consciousness. It’s time for us to feel, really feel all of our emotions and sit with them. It’s time for us to question our egos and ideas about the body. It’s time for us to demand self-acceptance from ourselves. It’s time to ignore what other people are doing or saying about us and do what we feel is right. Let’s do what our bodies want for a change.

Does this mean that we should sit like greasy lumps and shovel food into our head-holes all the live-long day? No. But, for poop’s sake, cutting into the body is the easy way out.  Yes, it’s easier and faster to simply get some surgery done rather than address your own psyche and emotional issues. But, addressing what is, at bottom (ha ha!), an emotional issue by cutting into and altering the body is so, if you’ll excuse the pun, a$$-backwards!

Please, please please stop hating your body and adding stuff that wasn’t there to begin with or taking away stuff that was there and you’ve decided has got to go because some airbrushed celebrity got ginormous a$$ implants. PLEASE! Run on the beach because you love oxygen not because you want to be a size zero. (Zero plus zero still equals zero.) Play basketball because you enjoy how your body moves. Eat a friggen’ chocolate cake because it’s tremendously mouth-gasmic and so satisfying and so necessary sometimes! Stop trying to look like a Kardashian. The friggen’ Kardashians don’t even look like Kardashians. Trust me.

Keep the butt that’s sitting on you now. Keep the boobs that hang off of you now. Keep yourself emotionally clear now. Work to resolve your inner resistance and tensions. Find out how to relax. Celebrate every single thing that is currently in your experience because you put it there. You asked for these bodies and you asked for these life lessons. Now, learn them, bless them, and move past them.

<Liz stepping off of her soapbox and sliding it into the closet>

I love you all. Gobs and gobs. 🙂 And, to prove it, here’s some “imperfect” boobs that I drew just for you! Note: In the original post, I had just one booby down there, but my adorbs friend and brother writer, Dan Hoger wanted to see both of ’em. And, can you really blame him? Here ya go, Dan:

breasts