Yeah, I said it. As I slide inexorably into menopause, I’ve had to re-set my expectations when it comes to being sexual. And, to be honest, I’ve come to this place kicking and screaming, (which, since I’m being honest, in the old days, would have been a part of the “nasty-dance” itself sometimes. Hahahahahahaha! Kidding!)
I like sex. I like the big O. I like my body. I like other people’s bodies. All of my life, I’ve had a vigorous, healthy appetite and when I was young, I never lacked for willing partners. Yep, I was a busy girl and unabashedly so. Young and intensely physical, I really liked connecting on a body level and being athletic. Sex was always a great means of experiencing my physicality and connection with others.
BUT, it’s all a strange terrain now, my lovelies. Previously highly O-gasmic and ready to go whenever and wherever, I’m now stuck in a foreign land where I speak not one word of the local language; I’m Iost in unfamiliar twists and turns, dead-end alleys, and set-backs. I’m now in a realm where the slightest little thing (the cat jumping on the bed, thoughts in my head, a sneeze) will derail my O-train. **Sigh** This sucks (and not in a good way). LOL!
Yeah. I one of those women now. Oh. God. I’m not ready to be beat-to-poop by my endocrine system. I’m not ready for this. I’m so not ready to be old. What the frack?!
Because I’m such a highly results-driven personality and a perfectionist, I recently (and disturbingly) caught myself calculating whether it’s “worth it” to get all worked up and have no “closing ceremony,” so to speak. I’ve been assessing whether it’s worth jumping up and down on the street, waving flags, screaming, and shaking my tushy if nothing is going to “finish the parade”, as it were. This has been quite frustrating and honestly, it’s recently made me want to give up on being intimate. It started to feel like a bother.
But, then it hit me. I get to change my attitude. Instead of resisting this turn of events, I can simply accept where my body is right now, accept that this is the reality at the moment, accept the change. I might not be able to address all of the stuff going on with my adrenals, but I can adjust my thinking. I can accept that it’s about the journey that my body and I are taking together right now. Bottom line, I’m being given an opportunity to stay present and make a greater emotional connection with my body and my partner. And, the really cool thing is that I’m finding a softness, a meditation of sorts, a way to be fully present in the moment and to accept life inside of a body that needs different things from me right now. I can use my and my husband’s “happy little episodes” to connect with him on a deeper (No pun! Don’t even go there!) level.
So, instead of being resentful and irritated, I shifted my perception and expectation of being intimate and changed the story that I’m telling. This is about honoring another way of being and enjoying the resulting intimacy. And, it’s been great fun. Hell, it’s fun to simply giggle and say “I wonder if I’ll get one this time?! Let’s go for it, big-boy!”
Now that I’ve taken all of the pressure off of “sticking the landing”, I’ve gone beyond seeking the O and onto the rest of the letters in the alphabet. They are very nice letters; I’m having a blast getting to know them and when I get the gift of a “big-happy-finish”, I find I’m screaming quite a few of those other letters. 🙂
What about you? Has your endocrine system been slapping you around? Do you have any tips for dealing with the change? You wanna yak about your experiences? Talk to me. 🙂