How to be Obnoxiously In Love with Your Body

The following was a guest post that I did last July for Outlier Collective, which is now gone (Booo! I miss my friends over there very much), so I decided to re-post it because it’s a perfect representation of the BBB philosophy and is hopefully, helpful. 🙂

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Picture this: A woman, say, in her late 40s, standing in front of a full-length mirror. This woman is grey-haired, heavy-built. She’s looking at her body, up and down and smiling, widely. She giggles, reaches down with both hands and grabs her full, chunky belly, squeezing it as she says to herself: “You are so friggen’ adorable!” This woman clearly loves her body and relishes its size, shape, and bearing. She’s clearly happy with how she looks and loves her girth, despite the fact that her body is “socially stigmatized” as undesirable, unattractive, and unhealthy by large segments of the population. She doesn’t care; at bottom, it doesn’t matter. She is fat. And, she’s completely fine with it. In fact, she’s madly, obnoxiously in love with her body.

Does this scenario seem improbable, maybe even impossible? It’s not. This demonstration of body-love is real and anyone can attain this state of being, regardless of circumstance, body state, fitness, appearance, or health. How do I know this? I’ve done it. The woman that I described above is me. And, if I can do it, anyone can do it.

How did I get to a place where I’m obnoxiously in love with my body? It wasn’t easy, I tell you. It took me years and years to get here. I write about it often on my blog. Ultimately, I think that I got sick of fighting. I got tired of dominating my body and criticizing her and measuring every mouthful of food and obsessing over how I looked. I got sick of caring what other people thought of me. I just got worn down by the struggle and the negative emotions, but beyond all of that, I wanted peace. I deeply wanted happiness. I didn’t want to feel so bad all of the time. I wanted to like my body and relax. I finally, finally let go, dropped my arms, and decided that if I had to be big (like my body so clearly wanted to be), I had to stay healthy. That was my only goal, my only concern, my only rule. And, I’m perfectly healthy, vibrant, active, and thrillingly alive at 5′ 5″ and 245 pounds. My blood pressure is always 110 over 60. I feel and look great.

So, why would any of us want to fall obnoxiously in love with our bodies? Lots of reasons. Primarily, acceptance. Acceptance of the self and others. Acceptance that the body is an integral part of our experience here as human beings and a vital tool, an important element in how we expand as spiritual beings. Without the body, we cannot do the work that we, as souls, crave doing and have come here to do.

At the periphery of our minds, we know that our lives mean something far bigger than our day-to-day concerns and struggles. We know there is a reason we are here. We know that we really should love our bodies, and yet so, so many of us hate our bodies or dislike key aspects of our physiques. So many of us, particularly women, struggle with the body and suffer, truly suffer over how our bodies look, measure up, or perform. Men have this affliction, too, but women. Oh, women. We are largely miserable creatures when it comes to the body. Women are so hard on themselves and by proxy, other women. It does not help that we have these plastic, air-brushed, and computer-manipulated images of “perfect bodies” barraging us from every flat surface.

We, as a species, so dislike the body that we have thousands, maybe millions, of industries devoted to altering, reducing, beautifying, and fixing it. Everything from drastic, brutal methods, such as compulsive exercise, plastic surgery, liposuction, and chemical peels to the less-severe skin and hair treatments, adornment, and concealing clothing. We so dislike our bodies that we mostly will not show what “real bodies” actually look like in advertising, films, art, and other media. This is, thankfully shifting in recent years, but we, for the most part, honor bodies that are not real or representative of the vast majority. We honor the seamless, the young, the endlessly underfed and photo-shopped aliens who peer placidly from the pages of fashion magazines and reality TV shows. So, when your body does not follow the socially agreed-upon convention of beauty, what then? You begin to despise it and this happens at a very early age in this culture.

I really believe that most people want to feel better, happier, more centered, balanced, and loving. Falling in love with your body is an excellent way to increase positive thoughts and emotions. Falling in love with your body is a perfect way to live a richer, happier, and more loving existence. It’s not easy to get there, but loving your body and honoring its needs, rhythms, messages, and life apart from you, the consciousness inhabiting it, is a delicious way to get deeper into why you are here as a human being. I argue that mankind cannot advance to his greatest potential without a healthy love or respect for the body.

So, how does one do this? Start small. Following are three ways to start falling obnoxiously in love with your body.

  • Start with your thoughts and beliefs. Think about the beliefs, thoughts, and ideas that you have about your body. Where did these opinions come from and who influenced your ideas about the body? Think about your shape, fitness, and health. Are you happy when you think of your body or less than joyous? What are you wanting from your body that you do not have now? Think about it. Then, you can try sitting down and writing it all out. Write down how you feel about your body and how you want to feel. Do this so you can create a dialog with yourself and get comfortable thinking about your beliefs. Our beliefs hugely influence the way that we look. Yes, genetics plays a role and also environmental factors, but nothing affects the body greater than thought. If you can get to a place where you can more quickly pin-point an idea that does not serve you, you can change it.
  • Understand that our cultural ideas about beauty have nothing to do with reality. I’m sorry, but women have cellulite. Women make babies. It’s a fact of life. We need some pudge. We need curves. Whoever came along and decided that cellulite was ugly and had to be air-brushed out probably had body issues, but that doesn’t mean that we have to accept this opinion. Nor do we have to shame our bodies because they don’t measure up to some false ideal of beauty. That is a choice that many of us make, but we can change it. Bodies are varied and multi-faceted and miraculous. Bodies serve us in the exact dimensions that we need in order to expand as spiritual beings. Sometimes those bodies need to be big and dense and sometimes small and light. It takes all kinds of bodies to make all of this living work. So, realize that the opinions we are being fed by way of the media are simply opinions of others, are to be heavily questioned, and do not have to be accepted.
  • Realize that you are an electromagnetic being and a powerful creator here in this body. Your body is vital to the process of your expansion. The body is doing exactly what you have commanded of it by way of your thoughts and behaviors. If you continually crab about the shape of your body guess what you are concentrating on through your attention—the current shape of your body. This focus on the negative disallows any number of other realities of which your body is capable, because you are focused, with your thinking, on the problem, not the solution. Try instead to sit quietly for five to ten minutes per day and think of all the things that you appreciate about your current body. Send your body loving thoughts. Maybe you like your toned arms. Well, tell your body that. Maybe you love your skin. Tell that to your body. Have a discussion with your body. Ask it what it wants and needs. Even if you do not “hear” anything in response, know that you are creating bridges of understanding between your consciousness and your body and its particular consciousness. Be willing to listen and this will create huge openings inside of you. You will start to feel better, slowly, but surely.

This is what I know: all of us can change our minds and learn to love our bodies. We have ultimate power and control over what we think, feel, and how we react to life’s circumstances. All of us can decide to change our thinking and thus, our beliefs about our bodies (or any topic). We do not have to hate or be critical of our bodies. We can choose love and appreciation. If we choose to facilitate a deeper love and respect for our bodies, lots of positive things will result. The most important of them: you feel better and you have more happiness. Consider falling madly in love with your body just as it is and see how your life unfolds. Just watch the universe mirror that love and appreciation back to you.

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37 thoughts on “How to be Obnoxiously In Love with Your Body

  1. kat

    this is a well timed post for me. i have a medication-induced kidney issue, that a kidney doc helps me manage. recently i started having a lot of swelling, and the kidney doc told me it was because i was fat, and that the only thing to do was to go home and eat a low cal, low carb, low salt, low potassium (my kidney issues is i have way too much potassium).

    and i just could not believe that he actually sat there and told me my weight was causing swelling and there was nothing else to do, when in fact i have had it before when i weighed less. it is so obviously clear that it is not the weight, yet all he could see was how fat i was, to the point he couldn’t even consider any other reason, even tho swelling has been associated with my issues in the past. i hate the judgement he made, and the way it is affecting how i’m being taken care of. so what if i AM fat…don’t i still deserve a complete workup, a complete analysis, and a choice of options to manage this symptom? instead of just being told im fat, and that’s all there is to it and there’s nothing else to be looked at?

    Reply
    1. BigLizzy Post author

      kat-honey. OMG, where do I start, babe? You sweet and honest and gentle person. First off. I am so, so sorry that you were traumatized by that GD doctor and supposed “healer”. Fat does not automatically mean “ill”. I cannot stand this bias in the medical community nor in our larger society. I hate that black and white mentality so, so, so much. It’s wrong. It’s hurtful. And, it’s inaccurate.

      Secondly, I am not a doctor. But, I am a highly intuitive person and can share with you my anecdotal take on what is happening with you and your body. In my belief system, all bodily ills are caused by emotional blockages and/or resistance. Your kidney issues are emotional.

      Once we physically manifest symptoms, it’s a situation that has been carrying on for a while. The body has no other way of getting our attention, so pain is what gets our attention. Your issues stem from a chronic emotional condition that your body is asking you to address.

      According to Louise Hay’s ground-breaking and incredible book “You can Heal Your Life” (http://www.louisehay.com/), kidney issues often accompany feelings of criticism, disappointment, failure, shame, and or reacting like a child. Not always, but this is a place to start. I also intuitively was given the word “inadequacy”. You might be dealing with this emotion.

      Here’s something you can try: Sit in a quiet place where you will not be disturbed for at least 1/2 of an hour. Sit in a chair, if you can and place your feet flat on the floor. Ideally, sit with your spine straight and your head aligned parallel to the earth. Adjust your head and back until you can sit comfortably. Take three deeeeeep, cleansing breaths in and out of your nose. Breath as much oxygen into your lungs and diaphragm as possible.

      Try to gently and patiently quiet your mind. Now, when you are fully settled, continue to breathe deeply and ask your kidney “What are you trying to show me, dear kidney?” Make a note of anything that pops into your mind. The first flush of imagery, a word, a feeling that passes through your body, all of these are important.

      Continue to talk with your kidneys and be sure to listen to their responses. Say to them: “I am listening to you. Please help me understand what I can do to help you. Please help me understand what you need. Please help me pin-point what is causing this. I will do my very best to make changes for you.”

      Do this for as long as you can and as long as it feels right. When ready to end your session, take three closing breaths and say to your body and psyche ” I am now ending my meditation practice for today. Thank you, kidneys. Thank you Guidance. Thank you spirit. Thank you, body and angels for your help today. I love you all.”

      You can substitute whatever words feel right to you, honey. You don’t have to use my words. Then, after you come out of your meditation, jot down everything that occurred to you while you were having your dialogue. Look for symbols and re-occurring thoughts or feelings. You can even journal with the images that you were given and ask them to give you more details.

      YOU CAN HEAL THIS, my friend. I know this like I know the nose on my face. YOU CAN DO THIS for yourself. It takes vigilance and patience and dedication but YOU CAN FIX THIS no matter what it is.

      In my opinion, your first priority is to healing your body and getting clarity on what this is, but after that, if you can and if it feels right to you, please write that doctor a letter and tell him off. I swear. If you are able to connect with your anger right now, STAND UP FOR YOURSELF! Be respectful, but tell him exactly what you think and how inappropriate his behavior and judgement is and how you will not stand for it. Tell him how his behavior is actually detrimental to you and not at all healing or helpful. THIS IS A CALL TO ACTION. Even if you never send the letter, write it all out and get it out of your body.

      Please, please do this, honey. And, if you feel willing to share more of your journey, I would love to hear how you are doing after you try some of this stuff. I care about you, kat. I love you and I know that you are truly well. This is just a temporary setback. You will figure this out, sis. Much love to you and your blessed kidneys and your delicious FAT! YOU ARE WHOLE AND PERFECT AND HEALTHY! Now, go get ’em, honey.

      Reply
  2. Fresh Ginger

    I noticed that all of the associated Magnificent™ blogs are gone. I saw some of the related drama on other blogs and I have had nothing to do with that. Shame–I’ll miss the posts, most of them seemed pretty genuine, including yours.

    Reply
    1. BigLizzy Post author

      Ginger-babe! I know! Such weirdness. I have no idea what happened to LC. What related drama went down to cause him to chuck it all and go into hiding? I didn’t see anything. This hit me like a truck. So sad. Thanks for stopping by today, honey-bunny. You are deeply appreciated by me. 🙂

      Reply
      1. BigLizzy Post author

        o.my.god. i had nooooooooo idea, fresh ginger and rutabaga. NONE. holy shit. that is some serious crazy. speechless, really and using all lower-case because it’s really hitting me all right now.

    1. BigLizzy Post author

      Thanks, Ruta-baby!! Ya, I’m actually really sad that the blogs where many of us first met are no more. I have no idea what happened and why LC flew the coop and took all of his amazing blogs with him. But, we must soldier on. Thanks for reading the post then and now and for leaving the kind comments, my sweet friend. Big warm hugs!

      Reply
  3. BigLizzy Post author

    Ruta, Gawd, yes, I missed it all. I work waaaaaaaay too many hours each day at my Tech Writing job obviously. I miss alot of stuff. Thanks for the link, mama. I’m heading over to check it out. XOXO

    Reply
  4. Jami

    Out of all the times I’ve thought about this; out of all the stuff I’ve read on the topic, I really feel I learned something just now. I don’t know why, something about the way you put it. I used to have disorders, and then I finally started accepting my body, I think because body issues became the least of my worries. But as I read this, I see that a part of that body-hating person is still in me, and that it also still doesn’t quite accept others who accept their own, imperfect bodies. We tend to guise it in “concern” and health advice. Thank you for this post…really.

    Reply
    1. BigLizzy Post author

      Jami,

      Thank you so much for stopping by and commenting, honey. I love that you are getting something from this post. I, too, still struggle with eating disorders, but for me it’s the “thinking” that gets me, not the behaviors.

      I might always have a little issue with that, but I no longer feel such self-hatred, nor do I assume to know what other people’s realities are just based on their looks (like I used to). I am so happy to be free of that stuff, I’ll tell ya.

      And, I so get what you’re saying about that inner body-hating person. While I don’t have that person inside of me anymore, I DO still have what I call Bad-Body-Moments or Bad-Body-Thoughts. It’s mostly the result of cultural influences or exposure to the media, I think. I’ll be sitting there minding my own business and all of a sudden my ego decides to kick me one and say something mean. It’s rare these days, but it does happen to me now and then.

      Well, thanks for the great discussion, sweetie. I love your honesty and articulateness so much. You are so refreshing and fun! Hugs!

      Reply
  5. Joanna

    I am in the process of learning to accept a bigger, beautiful body. Since having kids and being less active due to health issues, I have gained quite a bit of weight. The problem is I am just over 5 feet tall and I am well over 200 pounds. My small frame cannot handle that much weight. I also have a bicuspid aortic valve that has some stenosis because it has been overworked for 38 years (that’s how old I am, I was born this way). So I really need to try to get some of this weight off and eat healthy most of the time to take care of my heart. And, I’m not gonna lie… I have to work on being more comfortable in my own skin. Afterall, society tells me I should weight 99 freaking pounds and eat nothing but celery and tofu!! Like that’s gonna happen…

    Reply
    1. BigLizzy Post author

      Joanna-sweetheart!

      Goddess, I just love what you wrote here and I sooooo get the struggle. You have had serious health stuff (by the way, I am still working on that post for you about living without a uterus and some cool things to try); that has so much to do with your weight gain. I totally get it. I totally get you.

      For me, weight loss never lasts. I’m short, too, at 5’5″ and I have about 55 pounds on you. It’s a challenge and mostly because I work out daily and sometimes for up to two hours per day. I work out more than all of my thin friends put together but you can’t tell by looking at me. This has been the case with me for 20 years. Prior to that, I was anorexic.

      This is primarily why I had to make peace with my weight/size/looks. I have no choice. I have all of the lifestyle behaviors in place: I eat lots of raw, organic foods and very little meat. I do not eat breads or grains. I drink a gallon of water each and every day. I work out daily and yet, I’m still big. There has to be a reason for this and it’s not about action for me. It’s not about dieting and doing more than I already do. This is all emotional. For me. It’s all about protection.

      But, I love your attitude and your honesty. It’s really nice to dialog with a sister who understands on a cellular level how this feels and the struggle. I no longer struggle as much as I used to, but I’d be lying if I said it’s always peachy. That’s not life. Sometimes, you’ll find me face-down in a sheet cake with butter-cream frosting in my mustache, because it’s all I can do to stay on the planet. LOLOL! I love you, sis. Thanks for coming by and jumping into the convo. XOXO

      Reply
    1. BigLizzy Post author

      Awwww…how sweet, sissy! THANK YOU so much! Coming from such a ravishing, and I mean absolutely RAVISHING friend, this is high praise! You are drop-dead gorge, my sweet friend. I mean it. When I reincarnate, I’m gonna ask them to let me look like you. 🙂 But, yes, this time, I am beautiful in body, mind, and soul. I freely admit it. Not from a place of arrogance, mind you, but from a place of knowing. When I consistently work on myself and grow my love for this life and this planet and its beings, there is no other option but beauty. I love love and I love being a love. You are so clearly all over this yourself. It’s wonderful, honey. XOXO

      Reply
      1. Joanna

        Aaaww, you are THE sweetest!! Thank you so much. I totally believe that each of us is beautiful, in our own ways, an I’m not just saying that, I truly believe it… as one of God’s creations, we are all unique and special and wonderfully made. I am so thankful I came across your blog!! xoxo

  6. Joanna

    Hehe, I so feel you on the whole face down in a sheet cake with butter-cream frosting in your mustache! Sometimes Oreos and milk are the only thing worth getting out of bed for! 😉

    Reply
    1. BigLizzy Post author

      hahahahaha!!! That is some good imagery, isn’t it? Now, wouldn’t you know it, I am TOTALLY CRAVING CAKE and OREOS!! Dammit! LOL!

      Reply
  7. mollytopia

    I LOVED this the first time I read it and I still do. It stayed on my mind for months and encouraged me to write a post of my own about the legacy of body image issues and vanity that funs in my family. Thank you for the catalyst and for this excellent advice!

    Reply
    1. BigLizzy Post author

      Mollytopia!! Hiiii, honey. It’s been awhile since we have connected. I hope you’ve been well.

      Thank you so much for the kind comments. It’s so nice to hear that this piece reached you and stayed with you.

      Please send me a link to your poston body image. I might have seen it, but would love to see it again, sis. 🙂 And, if you ever want to guest post here, please let me know.

      Big Hugs to you!

      Reply
  8. N℮üґ☼N☮☂℮ṧ

    I loved your post, Liz. You’re exactly right. We should be aware of our thoughts and the message those thoughts are sending to the body. There’s significant evidence of the mind/body connection. High five girlfriend. Hope you’re having a great weekend. 😀

    *hug*

    Reply
  9. beckysaysthings

    You are so ridiculously inspiring 🙂
    I have recently learned to love my bottom. I’ve always hated it. It’s big, round, wobbly, and completely imperfect. But I got tired of fighting against it, or trying to shift it – so I decided to love it. And now I look in the mirror and think ‘Yep – it’s not half bad’. I wear clothes that don’t cover it; I wear clothes that show it off. And I’ve had more positive comments along the lines of ‘You’ve got a great arse’ than I’ve ever had in my life 🙂

    Reply
    1. BigLizzy Post author

      Becky-babeh!! Awwww…thank you so much for the kind words, my darling blogosphere-sister!

      I have to tell you that your blog (http://beckysaysthings.com/) is literally one of my favorite spots in the universe! I laugh out loud on there routinely! And, the drawings you do? They are so freaking amazing. I cannot believe that you get so much feeling and expression in those stick-figures, honey. I might not comment on your blog much (we can blame lack of time for that), but I do read every post of yours with great delight!

      I’m so glad you have learned to love your bum. It makes me smile to know that you finally arrived at this place and can send pleasing thoughts to your fanny. It’s also very funny to me that you posted this comment on my blog on the same day that I posted this statement to the BBB facebook page: “More like: “Big Butt Beautiful!” My can is looking FINE in these jeans. Just sayin’!”

      Hahahahaa! We both love our bums! Big, warm hugs to you, my sis. keep that body love a comin’! XOXO

      Reply
      1. beckysaysthings

        Lizzy! Thank you for your lovely comment, as always! I’m so glad you like my blog posts, thank you for saying that 🙂

        I LOVE your affection and admiration for your body, there isn’t enough love out there for bodies that aren’t on the cover of Vogue. And I don’t know what it’s like over there in the US, but over here in England there’s been a recent surge of appreciation for the fuller bottoms; where a couple of years ago it was all about shrinking your bum and basically trying to wipe it off the face of the earth, NOW there’s been a surge in BUM IMPLANTS and appreciation for the bigger bum! And I’m sitting here being rather smug that I’ve already got one and suddenly it’s ‘cool’! 🙂

        Big love to you and your bum 🙂

        P.S. I must just say that your comment about sending pleasing thoughts to my fanny did make me laugh, because over here in England fanny does not mean bottom – and it causes endless amusement to us Brits when you Americans refer to sitting on your fanny or wearing a fanny pack – because over here, fanny means VAGINA!!! 🙂 🙂 🙂 🙂 🙂 🙂 🙂 🙂

      2. BigLizzy Post author

        Becky-babe!

        Hoorary for the turn toward more “normal-looking” bodies. It’s happening here, too. And, I’m with you: I love it.

        In fact, I did a recent post about having a big bum and in this post, I say some of the very same stuff you are sharing in this here adorable comment of yours. I think you’ll get a laugh out of this, if you haven’t seen it already: https://bigbodybeautiful.wordpress.com/2013/11/26/a-fat-and-other-splendors/.

        Okay, and I died laughing at “fanny” meaning VAGINA!! OMG, my friend! That is soooooo funny! It brings a whole new dimension to the word now, doesn’t it?!

        I ADORE you, my Becky darling. I do, I do, I do. Big, bums unite, honey! XOXO

      3. beckysaysthings

        Hah, your post is perfect! Let’s celebrate big bums the world over!

        And yeah, the vagina / fanny thing is hilarious. I can tell you now, you will never, ever, EVER hear an English woman say ‘I love my big fanny’ 🙂 🙂

        Big love to you Lizzy xxxxx

      4. BigLizzy Post author

        Becky,

        Rolling on the floor and DYING with laughter!! Thanks to you and your flippin’ country, I can now no longer use the word FANNY without cracking up loudly and drooling on myself at the same time! I mean, people are STARING! Thanks ALOT, people who live over the pond. Hahahaha! 🙂 I love you, sister. I do. So much!

      5. beckysaysthings

        🙂 🙂 Sorry for ruining the word ‘fanny’ for you 🙂
        If it’s any consolation, whenever any of you say ‘fanny pack’, us Brits crack up laughing too!
        Lots of big love from us crazy Brits! x

      6. BigLizzy Post author

        Becky-babe,

        oh, on the contrary, you guys haven’t ruined the word for me at all. I actually like the word more than ever now! Hahahaha! Fanny pack!! That just kills me with amusement. Big, squishy hugs to you, my darling Brit. XOXO

  10. Yoga Moods

    You are such an amazing healer! Every word radiates warmth, love, and light. Thank you for being so inspiring and sharing your beautiful thoughts with the world! Our body/self-hate is so destructive, and through yoga I’ve finally come to love myself the way we should all love ourselves. (Of course it takes diligence, but it’s fun and so worth it!) Through loving myself and my body I appreciate others more and don’t judge them, either. We can all help each other heal! You are so beautiful, inside and out.

    Reply
    1. BigLizzy Post author

      Yoga Moods!

      Awwww…honey! How sweet of you to reach out and give this love and kindness across the ether. THANK YOU! My heart is smiling!

      Hearing your experience with yoga and gaining self-love just totally affirms the value of practice and conscious focus. I’m writing a new post about energy medicine right now and am totally loving the synchronicity of your comments with my most-recent writing. It just proves to me that we are all healers. We are all gifted healers. Each and every one of us. When we get clear, we are so good for this planet and each other.

      I LOVE your clarity, my friend. I LOVE your delicious essence, your practice of really being here. It’s captivating. So, thank you for being here on this wonderful earth and doing the work that you are doing and sharing yourself with all of us. YOU are helping all of us rise to our highest selves.

      Big, warm, and fluffy hugs to you, my soul-friend. XOXO

      Reply

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